You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
