i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
