We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
