Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
