so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
