living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
