what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
