she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
