Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
