It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
