I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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