He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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