Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
