we're blogging at a bar
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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