I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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