i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
