New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
