You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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