textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
