The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
