I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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