Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
