Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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