puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
should my penis look like a turkey
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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