the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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