If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
