How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I don't think brook has ever known best
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
