bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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