What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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