Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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