Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
