Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
