reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize