I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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