Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
