we have pet lesbian snakes
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
So. Much. Porn.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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