Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
