i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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