He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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