No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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