you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize