the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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