I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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