You made me cry and you don't even care
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
