you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my shit smells like andre
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
