Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
