I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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