Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
