my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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