Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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