There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
pop tarts are not kleenex
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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