you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
