remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
