Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
