I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
