Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
