What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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