How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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