I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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