sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize