We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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