Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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