you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
