and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
