I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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