I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
