Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
