On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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