I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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