I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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