We won't sleep together?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
