i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
