Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
