I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
