If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
