I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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