Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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