Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
