is your mom at the bar?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Randomize
