I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
