Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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