Quick, to the slutcave!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
